Ok, so I've been very naughty in not making time to post on my blog. I am making amends .... and here we are, a fun story. Enjoy :)
Anyone for Vindaloo © Abigail Armani/AKA Lucy Appleby
"What's a vindaloo?" asked Brian. "It isn't something hot, is it? I'm not used to eating all this foreign stuff."
"Oh no. It's incredibly mild," lied Rosie. "It isn't hot at all."
"Okay." Brian beckoned the waiter over with a flourish, keen to impress Rosie on their first proper date. "A vegetable korma for the lady, please - and I'll have a prawn vindaloo."
The waiter returned shortly with their order.
"It looks delicious," said Rosie.
"Mmmn," agreed Brian. "I wonder if it tastes as good as it looks? I'm so hungry I could eat a horse."
Brian took a huge fork full of vindaloo and swallowed it down. And then ... and then his eyes bulged in shock and his mouth opened wide in terror. His face turned bright red and beads of perspiration appeared on his forehead.
"Aaaaaaargh!" he spluttered. "Aaaaaargh - me lips are on fire!!"
Rosie giggled. "Is it hot? I must have made a mistake. I'm terribly sorry."
You will be, thought Brian, grimly. "Get me some water!"
"Never mind. It's certainly put some colour in your cheeks."
Not half as much colour as I'm going to put into YOUR cheeks, Missy. "Get me more water!"
"Oh Brian. You do look funny with a bright red shiny face!"
Oh Rosie. You're going to look so very droll with your knickers down and your shiny red well-thrashed backside waving around. "Eat up, my sweet. I have a little surprise waiting for you at my place."
Brian took Rosie back to his apartment and escorted her into the sitting room. "Would you like your surprise now?"
"Oh yes! I love surprises," she beamed.
"That's good," he said, suddenly upending her over his lap and pulling down her knickers.
"Brian!" she yelled, outraged.
He produced an old slipper from under the couch and cracked it down on her bare bottom.
"BRIAN!!" she squealed.
"Never mind," Brian smiled. "It's certainly put some colour in your cheeks. You do look funny with your bright red shiny bottom."
"Aaaaargh! It hurts!"
"Yes, that's the idea." Brian whacked the big old slipper repeatedly across her rump. "And I'm going to carry on whacking until your bottom is as hot as a vindaloo! Let's see how YOU like it!"